so… what exactly is divorce coaching?
first of all, my job is not to “get you divorced”.
Whether you're just contemplating the end of your marriage, or you've already begun the process, as a CDC® Certified Divorce Coach, my job is to help you take the steps you need to move forward in your life, in whatever direction is right for you. If moving forward helps you stay married instead of getting divorced, great! And if the work we do leads ultimately leads to separation and divorce, then we will work together as a team to help you get there.
Divorce coaching is about helping you set goals, make a plan, communicate more effectively, shore yourself up, and continue to be the best parent you can be. And as you’re already surely aware, (since you’re on my website) you know that as your family changes shape, there are days that are easier and days that are much more challenging. And even on the easy days, making decisions can feel impossible and overwhelming. Having someone by your side who’s been through it, understands the process, and will hold you accountable as you make those decisions will be invaluable to you and your family in the long run.
second, your lawyer is not your therapist.
You know the feeling. You’re telling someone a personal story and you get carried away with the emotion of it all and now they’re staring at you blankly as you wipe the snotty tears off your face, and what started as you telling your story feels like really uncomfortable oversharing to the wrong person and now you wish you could take it all back but it’s too late. We’ve all been there, especially those of us who are divorced.
Your lawyer’s job is not to give you emotional support, it’s to represent your financial and parental interests. If you lean on your divorce coach for emotional support, not only will you be better prepared when you do meet with your attorney, but you’ll save countless hours (and dollars) while allowing them to do their job more efficiently.
so… then what is it??
Let’s say you’ve decided to build a new house. You’ve never built a house before, and you don’t have a clue where to start. You have an idea of what you want, but you don’t know your budget, you’re not a carpenter, and you don’t know how to make sure you’re not going to make the wrong decisions. Now, add to that, you are overwhelmed, stressed out and grieving because your old house is engulfed in flames and you have to salvage what you can and leave the rest behind.
You wouldn’t try to build a new house yourself, right? You’d hire a contractor. Someone who has experience and who has built many houses. Someone who knows how make a plan, set achievable goals and a budget, and most importantly, listens to what you want because it’s your house. Oh, and one last thing, this contractor is also a great listener and knows that good communication is key. This, in a nutshell, is divorce coaching.
therapist, lawyer, or divorce coach. what’s the difference?
therapist
Therapy is incredibly important and can offer great support while you’re going through the grief and other difficult feelings often associated with divorce. Therapy often involves looking backward to find the root causes of why you are where you are so you can process and move forward.
divorce coach
As a divorce coach, my job is to guide you and help you navigate the ups and downs of the process one step at a time. You’ll learn how to set boundaries, communicate more effectively, make decisions even when it feels impossible, and manage conflict in more healthful ways. I’m here to listen, reflect, and help you make a plan based on your core values.
lawyer
A divorce lawyer is responsible for negotiating the division of property and assets or debts, spousal support, child custody and support, and any other legal matters that may come up. They can file the necessary legal paperwork, help you understand the legal process, and negotiate to secure you the best possible outcome.